


Porcelain

by AssassinatedBeauty



Category: Manic Street Preachers
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Gen, Happy Ending, I Have An Eating Disorder Fetish, Porn With Plot, Purging, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinatedBeauty/pseuds/AssassinatedBeauty
Summary: Richey is slowly killing himself with vodka and anerxioa but Nicky is going down the same path





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in 1993

Everyone knows Richey has problems. Sometimes he'll go days without eating. It's scaring everyone. Everyone's worried he's going to die.  
Nobody worries about me,but I don't blame them I haven't told one. Nobody has figured it out yet.  
Nobody really notices. Everyone thinks I'm still eating normaly. The reality is that I've stopped eating lunch and breakfast only eating dinner so people don't suspect anything. When I do eat dinner it never stays down. Nobody ever hears me purging because I have a bathroom connected to my room. I usually also purge in the shower. I've lost some weight already. Nobody notices because people think I'm naturally thin. I'm chubby.  
I walked into my bathroom and took off my jacket and my shirt to check my progress.  
I look in the mirror and notice some small differences. Then I step on the scale. I've been starving and purging for 2 weeks straight now. I hope I've lost some weight.  
140  
I've lost 10 pounds so far. I wish it was more but I guess It's progress. I want to weigh under 100 pounds. That's my goal weight.  
I walk out and into the living room. James is there watching TV I sit down and he looks at me with a slightly worried expression.  
He says it looks like I've lost weight. I smile and tell him thank you.  
It's working.


	2. The Secret Comes out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Finds out

It's been 2 weeks  
Everyone is starting to worry about me. The notice I've lost more weight and how I only ever eat dinner.  
I think they're getting supcious.   
I'm in the bathroom again and before I weigh myself I get a dizzy spell.  
I've been getting them often.   
I look at the scale   
127 pounds   
Fuck, I only lost 13 pounds. It's gonna take forever to Get under 100 pounds.   
I poke my stomach. It's completely flat. My stomach growls again and I get hunger pangs before I even have time to celebrate. I fall down and my pants start to slip down. Fuck, I got this pair like 3 weeks ago.  
I should've been too small for them sooner. I'm not losing weight fast enough. I only see only one solution.  
I get in front of the toilet and stick my fingers down my throat and gag a few times before I puke. I repeat this a few times before I hear loud banging on the door.   
"OPEN THE DOOR NICKY!!!" James yells banging louder.   
Fuck  
I open the door and fake a smile. James gives me an angry glare and looks me dead in the eye.   
He notices the scale.   
He asks how much I weigh with a worried but firm tone. When I refuse to tell him he makes me step on the scale.  
When he sees I weigh 127 pounds. He begins to panic.   
"Nicky,you need help!" he yanks my arm and since my arm is so thin he has a tight grasp and he starts to drag me out. I slip from him though and lock myself in my room. He bangs on the door begging to come in.  
I tell at him that I won't let him in.   
He starts crying and I feel kinda bad.   
He was worried about Richey now he has to deal with me.   
I can't stop now. Im not thin enough.  
I start crying with him.


	3. Falling apart

1 week later  
Everyone is worried about me now. I weigh about 119 pounds now. James says for someone my height that's way too skinny. I keep telling him I have to get under 100 pounds and that's my goal weight. He says that I'll die before I reach my goal.  
He doesn't know what he's talking about.  
He keeps threatening me by saying he'll force me to go see a doctor if I don't change. I don't need to change!!! I'm reaching my goal weight!!! Richey is really upset and he feels really guilty because he thinks he's the reason I'm starving himself no matter how many times I tell him he's not. Sean is worried sick about me. He keeps trying to get me to eat. I never do or it never stays down.  
I was doing a photoshoot and they kept telling me how nice I looked. I was so happy.  
I've started purging multiple times a day now. It makes me feel so good.  
I'm in my bathroom starring at my exposed ribcage and James yells from downstairs it's time for dinner.  
I try to walk down the stairs but Sean has to help me. I have to be helped with everything now. I'm too weak to open car doors or walk offstage. I also have to helped while using the stairs and when I walk sometimes. It's so humiliating.  
When we get to the kitchen I sit down and start eating.  
When I'm finished I try to go to the bathroom but they force me to stay. I try to beg them but since I need help getting up the stairs there's not much I can do.  
I could use the downstairs bathroom,but everyone would definitely hear me purging. Then I get an idea. I go to downstairs bathroom and stuff some towels under the door to muffle the sound and I start purging.  
After I'm done I look in the mirror but I focus on my face.  
My cheeks are swollen and puffy from purging. I poke my cheeks and I get grossed out. How did my cheeks get so puffed if I'm losing weight!?  
I walk out and everyone is in the living room watching TV.  
Nobody heard me.  
I sit down next to James and when I do he looks at with supcious look.  
"Nicky you smell like vomit" he says while staring me dead in the eye.  
Fuck  
I start stuttering out of fear and panic and James gets up and starts walking to the downstairs bathroom.  
"Nicky it smells like vomit in here!" he yells in an angry tone. I try to get off the couch but Sean has to help me get off and walk to the bathroom. When I get there before I can even say anything James says something that makes my already fluttering heart skip a beat.  
"That's it Nicky, you're going to the doctors tomorrow,I don't care if you want to or not" he firmly states in a deadpan but angry voice.  
I try to beg him to not force me to go but he says it's not negotiable.  
James helps me upstairs and then I get ready for bed.  
I can't sleep.  
I must've been up late because now Richey is asleep. I seize the opportunity.  
I go to my bathroom and shove my fingers down my throat gagging at first but eventually puking so much I nearly pass out.  
I get back in bed and sleep like a baby.


	4. Great Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading this at 3am,the last part should be uploaded later today

The next morning James wakes me up and I get dressed.  
All my clothes are really baggy and lose I had to borrow one of Richeys belts just to get my pants to stay up.  
Sean helps me downstairs and James helps me into the car and he notices that I'm upset.  
"I'm doing this for your own good,i don't want you to die,you're important to the band and you're one of our best friends. We've known each other forever,I can't lose you" he says in a soft comforting tone.  
I start crying, I'm upsetting everyone around me but I can't stop now.  
I need to be thinner. I'm so hungry but I can't eat and when I do I never keep it down.  
I used to think I was the only one I was hurting but I can see now it's effecting everyone around me.  
"Please don't cry" James asks in the most soft comforting tone.  
James helps me out of the car and has use his arm to support me while walking into the hospital.  
My legs feel like they're going to give out any second now.  
I sit down in the waiting room and I fall asleep. 15 minute later we're called into the room and James helps me up.  
When I get into the room the nurse takes my blood and my vitals.  
Then she takes my weight.  
117 pounds.  
I sit on the table wating for the doctor. James is reading a magazine he got from the wating room. I'm bored so I decide to read one the pamphlets. I pick one about heart disease and look through it while I wait.  
Finally the doctor walks in. He's an attractive brunette in his early 30s.  
"Hello Nicky I'm Doctor Synnott your freind James tells me that you're bulimic" with a cheery voice.  
I confirm that but also include that I also starve myself most of the time. He writes that extra detail down on his clipboard.  
He asks me to take my shirt off.  
I take my shirt off and James starts to look sick.  
I'm completely skin and bone. My ribs are poking out of my skin and arms have no fat on them, it's just flesh over bone. My stomach is beginning to cave in and my hipbones are beyond prominent. My spine is visible.  
James looks like he's going to be sick. He walks out of the room looking horrified and beyond distraught.  
Doctor Synnott looks scared too. He has me sit back down and put my shirt on.  
"Nicky you're going to die if you don't make a change right now" he says firmly. "Your blood sugar and blood pressure are severely low and so are your electrolytes and potsium levels. You're doing severe damage to your body. Your immune system is so low if you caught the flu it could kill you. Nicky if you keep doing this you're not going to live to see your 26th Birthday" he says in a shaky worried but still soft and caring tone.  
The last part mortified me. I'm only 25. I don't want to die. I'm too young. I just wanted to be thin I didn't know I was killing myself. I don't like feeling weak and tired all the time and it's embarrassing to have to be helped with everything and it makes me feel like a burden. Then I realize I was so much happier at 150 pounds. I didn't think I was fat and I really enjoyed life.  
I look up at the doctor and I ask him if the damage is permanent. He says that some of it might be.  
Yikes  
I walk out and James is waiting for me in the waiting room. He walks me out and helps into the car and the entire ride is silent.  
When we get home I ask James to bring everyone into the living room.  
He does and they all sit on the couch. I try to stand in front of them but since my legs are so wobbly I have to sit down on the coffee table.  
I begin to speak. "Guys, I've decided to get help. I went to the doctor today and they said I was going to die. I'm too young to die. I also don't want to be a burden to you guys anymore. I don't want to put the band in risk. I see now that I was hurting everyone around me and I'm really sorry."  
After I say this they all start crying and hug me. The tell me I wasn't a burden and that they thought I was beautiful and thin before.  
"Your name is making fun of you for how lanky and wiry you naturally are!" Sean says with a happy joking tone. "You're so beautiful!" Richey says hugging me tighter.  
I love my friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the final chapter


	5. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part takes place in 2018 on his birthday

Today is my 49th birthday. Rachel has been excited since yesterday. I'm pretty excited as well. I'm very blessed to be 49 years old. My doctor said when I was 25 I wouldn't live to see my 26th birthday.   
It took me 4 months to recover and I relapsed in 1997 but luckily I had Rachel by my side to help me. I love her so much.   
I weigh around 160 pounds now but I don't really care, as long as I'm healthy,happy and Rachel is happy everything is going to be alright.


End file.
